Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in John Surtees' LiveJournal:

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Friday, November 30th, 2007
5:53 am	Well, it's been.... ...almost a year? Give or take a week. What's changed in that year? I'm a year older (ye-arg) and I'm little wiser, or at least, I hope I am. I've killed one computer and parents were kind enough to buy me a -very- nice new one, which is an absolute beast. It's a massive desktop, and I agree with my dad when he says massive desktops might soon be a thing of the past. Still bloody single, why do all the cool single people hang out online? >< (eh, like me obviously) Bloooargh... won't go down that route now. Perhaps I'm just rediculously picky... Last winter's semester was...not great. It was okay but not great, studies wise. Failing to get a placement last year kind of hurled me into it and I've been ailing a bit. I'd already organised to take my project late then in anycase. I'm not going to mince it, my project has been a train wreck in progress since the summer. I did next to nothing on it during the spring and I was all set to work on it over the summer break. I also took up working at Phoenix Data Solutions again, three days a week. As it turned out, I vastly more enjoyed working than plugging ineffectually away at that blasted project. I just hit a wall somewhere, and never quite managed to climb over it. That and the thing had me at a constant high stress point the whole summer. When I'm stressed like that I shut up tighter than a clam. It's not a good way of dealing with things, no but it's how I am. I knew what I had to do, I had visions in my head. Somehow though even getting the basic bloody program to do what I wanted it to was somehow beyond my grasp. In the end I threw myself into just about anything to distract me from it. I did overflow a couple of times and broke down to my mum on the phone, but come this semester nothing had progressed. In the end I just distanced myself from it. I don't know why I just let it crash and burn in the end, but having spent ten months balancing on an emotional high-wire over the bloody thing...well yeah... Blind fear isn't really justification for something like that, but I think that's what I'll chalk it down to. I felt under enormous pressure on this damn thing, and that is something I've never coped well with. As to what happens study wise, I'm not sure. I've got two modules I'm working on including the dreaded networks and I am -going- to pass them come hell or high water. In regard to other matters, I'm now living in a little house further out from Oxford. It is owned completely by Greg, a fellow student. There is only two of us here, which to be honest I don't mind one bit. There is a room going for one other person, but Greg is quite peticular about who he's going to let live there. Basically he wants a friendly, quiet geek person to share his life with and get rent from, like me I suppose. He's a huge bear of a man with a slightly warped sense of humor but he's great, we get on just fine co-habiting and I think this tops just about any student living I've had so far. Still doing my silly games, Martin has a few more deaths to add to his total and is doing fine, level nine going on level ten. He's also had a mega hitpoints boost, and a few more nice bits of kit. With Kevin now having left our group he's also undisputed leader and happily leading a campaign chopping up frost giants into so much kindling. Cthulhu continues, new group save Dave and I'm rather enjoying that too, when it actually happens *grumbles* So in short, some good stuff, some bad stuff, but I'm still alive... for the moment.. Current Mood: awake (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 7th, 2006
2:10 am	So long... I haven't posted anything in ages. Once again I find myself locked up tighter than a clam when it comes to what truely goes on in my head. I also need to socialise more, even though I am out three nights a week. I need to go to peoples houses more often and such. I do enjoy it, even if the whole thing does knacker me in some ways still. My final project proposal is giving me the heebie jeebies, I've got to get that done by the end of the semester and its really frightening me because I still don't know what I want to do for it. That and all the coursework that's due in soon that I've been ignoring, doing bits here and there but otherwise just putting my fingers in my ears and humming. It's so close to the end and I just want to collapse into a heap and die. Also, that's two dreams I've had about kissing Frankie now, but things are so horribly complicated. I don't want to go down that route again even though I can sort of feel it happening. Arrrrgh....... Current Mood: listless (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 21st, 2006
5:25 pm	I've not posted in LJ for sooooo long it feels like. I need to get back into the habit of doing so, though I generally just use these for venting purpouses. But yeah, I'm back in Oxford after a long, frustrating summer looking for a placement job thing. That finally never happened and it still pisses me off, though I can't bitch about anything new. I just gotta keep my head high and concentrate on work this semester, I didn't do so well last time around so I have to do WELL at everything this time. In spite of this I'm keeping up with the society stuff, I've seen most of my friends now and its bloody good to see them, I didn't really appriciate how much I would miss them all if I didn't come back. It's kind of coming to me now. Speaking of the mob, I spent a while down at the stall at freshers fair. Saw practically everyone down there including Kevin, Charchi, Amy Jason and about half the society all told. They're all good and all still the same, which I'm glad about. The great thing is it turns out I will have most of my lectures with someone from the society, it'd be great to see them in there. Amy deserves a special note because the girl is downright crazy. She had done herself up in facepaint, different designs for the two days and was being her usual loopy self gathering people to sign up. One guy had the sweets appear under his nose as she bounced up, her arms and face painted with flames and 'Warp' painted across her collarbone. I can only imagine what he made of her, but she continues to amuse us all. I've long been aware how much I *loathe* the unfamiliar. I mean, familiarity is flexible, there are people I've seen and known for years and I've seen them develop, building themselves up to even greater things. On the subject of Unfamiliar I've got myself a new house. I was a bit wary about the people, but then who isn't? The people I have currently are alirght though. James (another james) lives downstairs and he's a likable guy, there's another guy downstairs who's name I can't even pronounce yet. He's good though, spent yesterday evening discussing the difference between the mongolian language (his mother tongue) and english among other things. The others are all chinese, and I'm not quite sure what's happening there. There's three rooms upstairs and they have two, the other is still to rent. However there's three of them, two guys and a girl. Quite which one is the 'guest' I have no idea but I've been told that the girl and one of the guys is the housemate, though I'm buggered as to which one is which. My guess is the other is the boyfriend, but I have no idea. The girl is likable enough, but the guys were a bit stoic. They also chatter constantly in chinese which.. I find irritating. It feels a little unfair, I should ask them to teach me some of their language, though I'm not sure how well it'd go down. This is turning into a huge entry, so I'll leave it there. ~JJ Current Mood: okay (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 16th, 2006
8:47 pm	Meh..... Meh... Meh. When I decided to come back early to do work I didn't bank on it being THIS depressing. I'm just still trying to get one of my four courseworks done by the end of the weekend so that I can focus specifically on others next week. On the other hand it looks darned fun, I kind of wish I wasn't so stressed so I could actually enjoy it. But yeah, currently I am sooooo fed up. I want to go hoooommmeeee! First off, I'm here to do work. NOBODY is here, which I kind of expected, but its so much worse than I anticipated. I have no credit on my phone and it being easter I probably won't be able to get any until tuesday. To make things worse some IDIOT has taken the phone in our house and locked it away in their room somewhere. I bet its Sean... ~JJ Current Mood: apathetic (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 30th, 2006
5:26 pm	Ugh I just couldn't handle going to Java today, I've felt really quite shit about myself recently. My stomach is acting up a bit so I am fighting it by eating large quantities of plain food, rice being a glorious favourite. I'm going to have to go out soon, I have coursework in for friday and its started but needs more work, that and I am probably expected at Amy's at 12 this week, midnight game, woohoo! In playing three games i've effectively expanded my social life a bit, not very adventurous but its an improvement. I need a sound flogging, I need to do my washing up, wash that heap of cloathes in my room and get on with my work. I also need to do those applications quite badly. Instead I curled up and read alice in wonderland until about two today. The game I am running is going well, I have two new people playing making the total seven and I've finished the first arc of it, resulting in two of the characters getting stabbed in an effort to grapple and disarm a scalpel wielding madwoman. Its a rather disturbing fact that my characters are having far more luck with women than I am. Lathanel my mage/thief is making good a slow seduction of a half elf and Martin spends his spare time flirting with the mage. Hilarious anyway =) Martin especially, I want to draw him again soon. On the subject of creativity I have yet another story idea I want to boot off, a kind of magic/realism and technology/nature theme. It will probably feature suitably pissy and angsty male and female protagonists because thats the kind of mood I'm in this semester, with him championing technology and her magic/nature. It does sound a little cliche in my head but I don't really care. I do want to explore the possiblities of nature and magic being as active a force as technology in our own world however. In particular things like cloning and also A.I. are going to feature, in the sense of creating life and expanding nature without the magic that drives it. Nature isn't getting away with a clean slate either, there will be some element of sacrifice of purity in order to gain the upper hand, hinting at a certain ruthlessness perhaps. Well thats assuming I ever get it off the ground, when I'm not working I usually end up feeling sorry for myself or find something equally unproductive to do. Bleh. ~JJ Current Mood: sore (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
2:21 pm	Eh, I just had an interview. It was okay I guess, though I really did like the look of the company. I've no idea what kind of an impression I made, but we'll just have to wait and see. ~JJ Current Mood: cold (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
4:02 pm	Wednesday 8th Feb Soooo many things to remember. -Minix installation -Read over operating systems -finish Java practical -go over the Recursion stuff - do practicals -finish hardware coursework -actually do something towards my PDP -find out when we are actually meeting and where for the beleated society christmas social -do some washing before I get overloaded -ring dentist and re-arrange my appointment SOON -tidy room -do some more applications for my placement -buy some food -find an evening I can go to Amy's -midnight game on thursday -sort out the NTL bill Okay so some of that stuff is what I WANT to do, but fitting it all in is still making my brain overflow. One of my faults is I keep too much in, as well. I mean there are certain thing's I've kept in, purely because I've never wanted to bother anyone. Things are easy, just scroll up to the top of this post. Its people I have trouble with, largely because I'm perhaps a little overly terrified of what any given opinion will cause. I must admit I've been a bit disconnected lately. Amy specifically. For one thing I've been avoiding messanger almost entirely, mostly because I still find it awkward trying to fabricate things to say to her. I really like the girl and I havn't seen much of her in spite of this. Things came to a head last semester, and that wasn't exactly a situation I excel at. I got what I wanted though, she's still my friend. The only times I've seen her though is at WARP and the off visit or msn convo. On the social side of things I'm actually doing things several evenings a week, I want to extend that to rock nights too. Thing is, where the fuck am I gonna fit all the work in? =P Oh well, life will find a way. ~JJ Current Mood: weird (Comment on this)
Monday, February 6th, 2006
8:42 pm	Well, programming in one shape or another is currently kicking my arse. (I'm doing three languages this semsester, Java, C and pascal) Am regretting the chocolate I just ate but I won't go there. Life is alright I suppose, just being reminded how much I have to keep track of while I am at Uni (and how stressed that sometimes makes me feel) Still, modules wise things have been okay for the first week. *sighs* find myself missing Amy a bit again. I'm going to see her tomorrow, will probably have to visit her during the week. Its been a while since I've talked to her face-to-face in a non-game thing. Actually I'm missing a few people right now, Anna being another of them. In cambridge though *le-sigh*. Maybe I can go up and see her when I'm all done, like I did last year. That was fun! Speaking of the girl, I chain pinched this idea from her journal, ten things I think represent me. Can't remember where it originally came from but she's here, a definate good read toft_froggy. Not recommended for young children, the easily offended or those with pacemakers.... Buuuuuuuut in the order I thought of them, my ten things I spoke of earlier : 1)Jasper my plastic lobster 2)My MP3 player 3)A copy of Dark Youth, my best story to date 4)A standard issue six sided dice 5)One copy of Haunted by James Herbert 6)A router (hardware and precious, precious internet) 7)Halfife 2 DVD version 8)The frustratingly frugal contents of my sketch folder 9)My hard drive, if anything did reflect my interests it would be that 10) A geek t-shirt (even though I don't have one *sob*) Edit : This is about the third time I've edited this (mostly lj user issues) but just adding that I might buy a pair of rollerblades for £10, 'cause I'd like to learn something like that. Which means if I get hospitalised in the next month you'll know why.... ~JJ Current Mood: cranky (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 23rd, 2006
11:57 am	SHIT Just got my results back. Failed Networks... Resit exam for Theory of Computation in april. Otherwise I got a B and a B+ for Data Structures and Systems Programming respectively. ~JJ Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
8:44 pm	X_x So tired, woke up at half four this morning. In other news, well...my life is boring. Anna's gone back already =( Money makes my brain hurt too. ~JJ Current Mood: dead (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 8th, 2005
8:28 am	okay, I've just ended up talking someone down from taking a fuck of a lot of painkillers on messanger...over something pretty stupid now I think about it. maybe he wouldn't have done it, but the what if is still rattling me... I didn't know him that well but he was cool to talk to. I still feel like I might puke. Fuck life the world and everything... am I just stupid feeling thia acared/relieved? Or am I just a gullable shit? ~JJ Current Mood: scared (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
3:42 am	.... Ok so I'm sitting here, at 3 in the morning....not working. I havn't worked for I don't like to think how long. It sounds like my sister is in a similar position from what I've gathered talking to her, so I am glad I'm not the only one. But seriously. Fuck you semesterisation. The 11th week on the trot with endless coursework more or less from start to finish is just getting me so worn out and frustrated. I was fine while I had a flow going, but doing effectively five modules this term has ground me down eventually. I'm tired. I hit a bump in the road about a week back and its so close to the end I can't summon the andrenaline to recover from it properly. Shoot me now, the programming actually didn't kill me, but after finally looking at this maths I've decided that will probably finish me off. The Data structures I had has sunk so low in my priorities and is getting so close to the deadline that I don't think I will get anything much done... Two weeks in a row now I've wanted to go home and have had to throw in the towel because of coursework. I will probably manage it this weekend, but I will feel guilty if I stay longer than overnight. Anyway... What have I been doing? Reading http://venusenvy.keenspace.com/ is one thing. Basically been looking for places to put my brain, and this one caught me. I must have read it through twice now. I guess its the attitudes of this generation to gender that has always fascinated me, and how it makes them different. Apologies if that scared anyone though, but its the truth. I really enjoyed reading that (though Shadows of Juliet really did chill me). Something else I've been doing is endlessly refreshing my inbox, for pretty much no reason other than I want to hear from someone. Someone e-mail me, anyone. Tell me how you're doing. ~JJ Current Mood: depressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
6:47 am	gurargh So fed up of coursework. Flaying the demon programming this weekend, I will have a week to do the last to peices. ARG. Will not go into why I am up so early on a saturday, needless to say I fell asleep very early last night, and woke up early as a consiquence. But for five minutes I want to forget everthing I should/need to be doing. Screw it all for five minutes. These are the things I want to do. - go home, see my parents and my sister - catch up with James, its been too long - talk games nonsense with Jack and Tom - Hug anna and talk to her for ages - bury myself on the sofa and watch some decent B7, listen to anna fangirl - think up new and exciting things to have Taheg and Olly's samurai to do. - subject said samurai to exciting things - talk more nonsense with Taheg - buy christmas presents for people - buy music cd's I've had in mind for ages (but not before christmas) - sleeeeep - play things on the computer at home - write something - try a smoothie from my sister's smoothie maker - get back to making my HL2 comic - talk online for hours with kas - watch a little television - cook something for family - go to Forbidden Planet That's all I can think of for the moment. ~JJ Current Mood: listless (Comment on this)
Friday, November 25th, 2005
3:41 pm	JJ needs MORE forums AND a WOMAN JJ Needs to get back to work! Pretty much sums it up really. I've had a couple of seriously freaky dreams in a row recently. I think its coursework getting to me. The one the previous night was pretty horrific, in this kind of mad-doctors hospital type thing. I was basically one of the doctors I think, but the stuff going on was twisted to say the least. The bit I remember most vividly was swapping this woman's eyes with somebody elses..ergh... The one I had last night was one of those restless dreams with few details, its more the spirit of the thing that follows you out of it. It was very....mechanical and stressful. I can't really describe it any other way. ~JJ Current Mood: dorky (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 20th, 2005
6:33 pm	A pirate walks into a bar, and the barkeep says "Excuse me, cap'n, but did you know that you've got your ship's wheel stuck in your pantaloons?" "Aye," says the pirate, "that thing be drivin' me nuts! Aaargh!" I'm very annoyed with Theory of Computation. I've been sitting here a good hour and I've gotten nowhere with it. ARGH! While I was looking it up on the web I found that amusing little joke. ~JJ Current Mood: annoyed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 13th, 2005
8:08 pm	Ugh My stomach just feels tight and weird, like I've got a lead weight in it. Its been like that for several days now, its not fun. misbehaving anatomy aside, we got more coursework done over the weekend, so we now have a more or less complete Systems programming design ready to hand in tomorrow. However thats not really what I'm posting about. Sarah's game is up! I stuck it onto my archive (link at the bottom of my journal) after I got sick of flaying it. Its probably not entirely tidy by any stretch of the imagination but it is hopefully in a much better state than it was before. ~JJ Current Mood: sick (Comment on this)
Monday, November 7th, 2005
12:28 pm	Just realised something. Happy birthday rantbook! ~JJ Current Mood: stressed (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 5th, 2005
5:16 pm	hm.. I need to do some more work, I really do. Spent most of today either reading H.P. Lovecraft or being asleep. Well, I read Facts concerning the late Arthur Jermyn and his family, Herbert West - Reanimator and fell alseep halfway through The Call of Cthulhu. Was alseep for quite some hours having totally screwed up my body clock working earlier in the week, then woke up and read Shadow over Innsmouth as well. I can't put my finger on why I like his work but I do, its so dark and brutal. He just opens up the world to the darkest of infinite possibilities, dark and of a singular imagination. The way he writes is quite unique as well, takes a bit of getting used to. If anyone was watching me just then they'd have probably laughed. *BANG* "Yargh- oh pretty!" (yes I do talk to myself). I'm rather annoyed with myself creatively speaking at the moment, I havn't sketched for ages and I keep doing a little bit to Sarah's Game and then ignoring it, but I really want to get that up. Still, I'm holding back from rushing to upload it the moment I've finished it, still flogging the grammar and punctuation in fits and starts. Am missing people as well, and I don't want to be here I want to be in London... Only, what...six weeks to go? Hah.. Then I'll get over a month off, yippie! Assuming I survive! ~JJ Current Mood: lazy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
3:54 am	useless quiz! ( Read more... ) GARP ITS LATE! ~JJ Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
11:29 pm	Garp I've gotta get up at 10 tomorrow so I can go in and finish off that Systems Programming coursework. Hmm. Went home on friday because I was fed up with coursework, it was only overnight as we had the meal out for Izy's 21st. (she's one of the three girls I'm living with). There was about fourteen of us all told, the five of us (myself, Izy, Hannah, Zina and Sean) Izy's lovely but incredibly bonkers sister and her boyfriend, another couple and about five other girls who were Izy's friends from about Oxford. It was great fun, we went to ASK on George street and had pizza and pasta, yum. Followed by enough cheesecake to sink a battleship. Some of us (including myself) went our seperate ways after that, I came back on the bus with one of the girls and just chatted generally with her, while the rest went to some club or another. I briefly came out here to check e-mail and such before going home, I was in by 11 and Hannah came through the door ten minutes after I did. This is where it turned a bit sour. Apparently she had left early because she was tired, which I can understand, but she had decided to walk back from oxford on her own. Apparently some middle aged guy followed her half the way home, talking to her and offering to escort her home, generally being quite unnerving and intimidating. In the end she skipped on the U1 just close by the uni and took one stop to escape him. The driver didn't charge her for that either, which I think was very good of him. She was understandably unnerved when she got back, she called out to make sure I was in when she came through the door. I'm glad I WAS in. I offered her a drink and just hung around to talk to her for a while, until the others got back anyway, which was about half 11 or something. What else could I do? I did end up wishing I'd gone with them, I thought they would have been coming home all together anyway. I said as much to her and Zina that they can always ring me for something like this if they're worried. Even if they dig me out of bed I'll still go out and meet them. Being out on your own like that in ANY situation is just horrible. I'll tell Izy as well as soon as I remember to ><. It downright appauls me that there are people that do this. ~JJ Current Mood: restless (2 Comments |Comment on this)